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Letters The following are letters I have received and sent regarding my upcoming best-seller, "The Salisbury Method; Making Sleep Work For You & the Planet".
To protect the anonymity of my public, I have changed the names of everyone who is not Me (Shannon L. Salisbury, Esq.). Subject: I need Help
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 22:55:09 -0500
Girl s69,
I have a problem that I think the Salisbury Method might be able to resolve.
I am 46 years old and I find the gross stupidity and apathy in the world around me, well, how can I say it.... stupid and apathetic. It just makes me feel like doing nothing. I'm so fed up with the stupidity that I can't even think.
I was hoping you could apply your method and offer up some solution that I might be able to apply to others so as to stimulate some intelligence and empathy.
Better yet, if you could somehow teach me your method then perhaps both of us combining our efforts and sleeping together would create enough synergy so as to double or triple the effectiveness. Sort of a 1+1=3 kind of thing.
Then we could get more people sleeping together and creating more synergy and so on. I could then market the excess synergy to the 3rd world therefore becoming a hero and increasing my wealth, all for the good of mankind of course. All the while expounding on The Salisbury Method.
Of course I would pay you appropriate royalties from the excessive wealth that would be created synergistically.
I await your response.
"TC" Dear "Mr. C.",
The very idea you hit upon is not unknown to me. The Salisbury Method already incorporates the concept of two or more people sleeping "together", as it were.
In the short description of The Salisbury Method I put on my website, I was inclined to put fewer details of The Method than I will in my book. As I stated, telling all would make the manuscript worthless to a publisher.
Since you hit upon an idea that we, ourselves, have been working on for quite some time, I will share with you that while this aspect of The Method shows promise, the test trials that my husband and I worked on were not as successful as hoped.
As far as your problem with apathy; I could really care less.
Thanks for writing and come back to the site often!
Sincerely,
Shannon L . Salisbury, Esq.
Subject: 46 and apathetic
Date: Mon, 26 Mar 2001 20:24:17 -0500
Girl_s69,
You underestimate the power of The Method. It works! I have slept my way to complete and total Nirvana. Thanks to The Method I have been freed from the bonds of empathy and intelligence. I no longer fear ignorance; I embrace it. I no longer feel compelled to care! I have reached that place of total self-actualization where it is no longer necessary to know or understand anything, no longer necessary to care about anything.
The real power of The Method lies in it's outward appearance of nothingness. It is everything and yet nothing all at once. Not to worry. I shall disclose nothing as I tell everyone everything I have learned from you.
"TC" Dear "TC",
I'm not quite sure that you fully grasp the concept of The Salisbury Method. However, if you feel that your perception of The Method is helpful, by all means use it.
Just DON'T call it The Salisbury Method.
DO NOT call it The Salisbury Method.
I will have my attorneys on you like ugly on Quasimodo if you go around spreading your crass, commercial PSEUDO-METHOD to the rest of the world and call it The Salisbury Method! I had a feeling I should have stopped you when you went on about becoming a hero and increasing your wealth! MISTER, TAKE THAT NIRVANA GARBAGE RIGHT BACK TO THE DUMPSTER IT CRAWLED OUT OF!
Sincerely,
Shannon L. Salisbury, Esq. (and her powerful Attorney)
Subject: The Method
Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2001 15:52:18 -0500
Dear Mrs. Salisbury:
I believe I am a habitual sleeper. I have done this activity all of my life. I fear that I can not break the chain no matter how hard I try. I have friends who claim that I sleep more than my cats. This is wrong and I feel that it is time to take charge of my life and really make a difference to the world around us. You must believe that the feelings of hopelessness have become overwhelming as I find myself longing for slumber each evening. That's why I am writing to you today. Your Salisbury Method, I believe, will turn my life around! You and the Method are like the hand in the crowd at the Metallica concert reaching out ever so gracefully to pull me from the mosh pit of nocturnal narcolepsy. While I have not been clinically diagnosed with any conditions relating to narcolepsy I find it almost fitting to use the term as I do sleep a lot. More than the average bear if you will.
I want to devote my non-waking hours to your cause. Not because I want to be a super hero but because I want to be a super person who can change the face of humanity through the power of sound, restful sleep. I am very good at this and my confidence in my ability to sleep will amaze even you.
Please consider my offer, as I am serious about The Salisbury Method although I do not know very much about it - only what you have told us on your website, I swear. But, I am certain it's a worthy cause. Best wishes on the completion of your new book. Do you think you'll be coming to Tampa, FL for a signing after it is published?
Dreaming of a better tomorrow,
Mrs. A (this is only part of my real name so you can use it if you'd like) Dear Mrs. A.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt letter. It's really wonderful to know that there are people out there like you; who not only UNDERSTAND the intent of The Salisbury Method, but are willing to do something about it, and NOT for personal glory (unlike some others I could mention). While I am unfamiliar with the music of this "Metallica", I do understand and truly appreciate your meaning. It is exactly the same way I felt when the idea of The Method first came to me and helped me rise from the dark morass that my life had previously become.
I am so pleased that you look upon your need for additional sleep not as as a superfluous affliction, but as a bonus. And one that could be used to better advantage. My friend, that is EXACTLY what The Salisbury Method offers!
You are exactly the type of individual I have been looking for to help me with The Method. I have been receiving so many requests for help lately that I am unable to fulfill them in a timely manner. You see, I have recently had a baby, who keeps me from sleeping whenever possible. If I get to sleep at night it is usually only for around 4 hours which simply is not enough time to do justice to a worthy cause. I am certain that you have many items of importance already in your sleep schedule, but if possible, do you think that you might be able to fit in a request or two? I would certainly appreciate it and so would the poor, hapless people needing the help that only The Salisbury Method can deliver.
Mrs. A., I have complete confidence in your sleeping ability and would like to share the responsibility of helping others with you. Please let me know if you will be available to help.
On another note; I will definitely make Tampa a stop on my book signing tour. I seem to have quite a following there. When that day comes, I look forward to meeting you. Who knows, maybe you'll be signing, too!
Keep dreaming!
Shannon L. Salisbury, Esq.
Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2001 20:40:02 -0500
Whatever.... The above remark is from our old friend "TC". He obviously suffers from a lack of language skills and I will not demean myself by replying to such a boorish comment. |
